Saturday, October 21, 2006

In which I stop being British for a moment

...and say thank you to everybody. This whole grief thing is really hard for me...I don't really know how to handle it. Yeah, three out of four grandparents have died in the last ten years, so it's not like this is the first loss I've ever had, but all three grandparents died after a prolonged, painful illness, so it was something I was prepared for ahead of time, and almost a bit of a relief. They had all lived long, full, wonderful lives (well, my maternal grandmother died way too young, imo, but it was a relief for her...the cancer was terrible), and while it was very sad to lose them, it seemed okay, somehow. Ric, on the other hand, is only 37, and still hadn't gotten around to pulling his head out of his arse. There was just so much unfulfilled potential there!! That, and the violent & sudden way he died is sort of hard to process. Anyway, thank you so much, to everyone who has been so kind & thoughtful, and has just been there. I really appreciate it, even if I'm uncomfortable talking about it. That's the one crappy thing about being British...we're soooo stiff-upper-lip in my family, it's unreal. Grief, in my experience, has been an incredibly private process, which is all well & good except for the fact that consequently, I don't really know *how* to grieve. Oy. Suffice to say, it's been a rough week here at Chez Yarn n'Likker, but it is getting a bit more normal. Normal being a matter of opinion, of course.

Also, I'd like to thank my awesome SP...I got a beautiful skein of stretchy cotton sock yarn (like Cascade Fixation, but hand-painted!!) in the mail the other day, plus a great pattern!! Y'all should see the yarn...it's lovely! Gorgeous shades of olives & blues & mustard & plum...very fall colours. Thank you so much, SP...the timing couldn't possibly have been better! I'm looking forward to working with it, too...these will make great summer socks, and for me, me, me!!! (Ahem...'scuse me, I'm just feeling a bit snarky, given that fully half of the socks I've made thus far have been for gifts, and my feets are beginning to complain. It is my long-range goal to have exclusively hand-knit sockies for my little feets, only relying on machine made socks for emergencies. Heh.)

Again, thank you, guys. Your thoughts & words & prayers mean so very, very much to me. It really helps to know y'all are out there when I need you.

4 comments:

your spooky pal said...

yay, I'm glad it got there so quickly, and I'm so glad you like it!

Halcyon said...

Hey girly - I never know what to say to someone who's suffered a loss, but I want you to know that I'm praying for you and your mom and the rest of your family. (((hugs))) I'm glad to know you.

Secret Pal said...

Hi there, I am your Winter Knitty SP!
I just got the IM saying that I am to spoil you, so now I am off to read your blog.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry for your loss.
Everyone grieves differently.
It would seem your families accepted style of grieving isn't right for you...and you have to do what is right for you in this case.
I have grieved both loudly, and quietly...
I guess too much grieving.
I wish you the best..and that this pain will lessen for you.
Loss changes who we are forever...even if just slightly. I suppose that is because the pain never completely goes away.
But it does get easier...and hopefully, soon the wonderful memories will be more prevelant in your mind than the pain of loss.
9 months after a sudden loss of a friend to suicide, I can't say that has come for me yet...but it will.
Until then, I suppose one has to carry on as the one lost to them would have wanted them to.
Take care dear..and dont fret the process too much. Just doing it is tough enough.