Tuesday, October 17, 2006

So damn tired

My apologies for the lack of blogging lately. The camera's batteries are just about shot, so no pictures here until the hubby gets paid & brings me some more batteries. I've been knitting like crazy though...I've currently got six or seven things on the needles, and another five or six that need to be made for Christmas gifts. Fortunately, most of them are relatively small things, so I hope to get them all finished fairly soon (or maybe I'm just a delusional optimist...time will tell). I hope to get pics up in the next week or so, too...the sweater I'm making for my Ma is gorgeous!! The braided cable is turning out really nicely, and the fabric is sooo soft. It's going to be hard to give this one up.

In other, less happy news, my favorite uncle was killed yesterday. Ric was an amazing person...freakishly brilliant, yet consumed by drug & alcohol addictions. I've not seen him in several years, but I loved him deeply. He was on a bit of a pedestal for me...he's ten years older than I, and all throughout my childhood I heard about how brilliant he is, how far he could go, how well he was doing in school. I remember wanting to be just like him, and when my mom declared that we had the exact same weird, dry sense of humor, I was so proud! I just adored this guy. He fell pretty hard off his pedestal a few years ago, when things started getting really bad with the addictions. He did some pretty stupid things, lost his fabulous job, and went downhill quickly. I still loved him, though, and still had hope that sooner or later he'd pull his head out of his arse & get back on track again. Sunday night, I had a lovely dream, involving him & several other uncles of mine. He was whole & happy & free of the pain that he's been in for so long, and we had such a good time! My grandfather had grilled some amazing steaks, and we just hung out & ate & goofed off...it was wonderful. Then I woke up, and Mom called to tell me that he'd been in a car accident, and his pupils were fixed & dilated, and he may never wake up. I knew he was dead...he'd come to say goodbye already. It turns out that he was a pedestrian, crossing a street, and got hit by a car. Brain death was immediate, and for that I am grateful. He's suffered enough in his life, he didn't need to suffer any more. My dad & his sister authorized a DNR order by early afternoon, they harvested organs to donate, and pulled the plug sometime yesterday evening. He'll be cremated & brought home to Indiana, but I've no idea when the memorial service will be...our family can be sort of slow in that respect. (We sort of figure he's not going anywhere by that point, and then everyone waits until the *whole* family can make it all at one time...it took two whole years to finally get my great-grandfather buried.) I do rather hope it will be sooner than later. I'm just so incredibly sad about it all...I'd kind of like to get the closure & just move past it. I adored him so much. I'd still hoped he could turn his life around, but now that will never happen. It's just such a waste, and it breaks my heart.

I slept like a brick last night, and dreamed only of my husband (it was a *good* dream, too! heehee), but I'm still just so damn tired. My head has ached almost non-stop since Sunday night (freaky little irony there, huh?), and I'm just worn out. Thanks for reading, if you've gotten this far, and I promise there will be more knitting content in the near future.

8 comments:

Snickle said...

(((Heather))) I'm so sorry for your loss.

KathyMarie said...

[words fail me]
[hug of massive proportions]

Anonymous said...

so sorry!
thinking of you!

MrsFife said...

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}} I'm sorry for your loss.

your spooky pal said...

Oh Heather, I'm so sorry.
Hugs for you.

Laura said...

Heather, I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I'm sending you big e-hugs.

Kerrie said...

I'm so sorry Heather!
What a wonderful goodbye he gave you through that dream though! Little blessings like that make it so much easier to smile through the tears.

Anna said...

Heather, deepest sympathies. May you find comfort and strength in your memories of your Uncle. If you need anything please give me a call.